ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Abraham Lincoln: Circus Performer

Updated on December 12, 2020
Source

Once upon a time in the bowels of 19th Century Illinois (I’m pretty sure America had bowels back then) there lived a peculiar middle-aged man. His long face had a scraggly chin curtain and a messy mat of unkempt black hair on top. He was tall as a tree, and his long lanky limbs stretched to the heavens, or at least that’s what one would think gazing upon this towering monolith. He may have been a gentle giant, but he wasn’t well-loved. In fact you could say he was the shy awkward man that everyone loved to laugh at, and unlikely as it sounds this man was Abraham Lincoln.

One day, while resting on the front porch with a basket of apples, middle-aged Abraham started tossing an apple in the air to keep himself entertained. One of the passing townsfolk called out to him.

“You gonna juggle for us now? I’d like to see that!” the man said mockingly.

Abraham grimaced. “Yeah, I think I will!” he said. And with that he grabbed two more from the basket and attempted to juggle the devil out of those apples. As expected he accomplished little more than bruising up three perfectly good apples and giving the passing public an excuse to stop and laugh at him some more. Nevertheless he kept at it and got to be pretty good at juggling, and even tried to make some money with it in the town square. But juggling was old hat by then, and the public didn’t think Abe the Juggler was worth their hard-earned buffalo nickels; which is good, because nickels hadn’t been invented yet.

Abraham decided he needed something more unique. He took some reeds and strung them together into large hoops. While hooping was an art that went back to ancient times it wasn’t generally known in 19th Century America, so Abraham had a chance to impress the locals. He practiced every day often to the dismay of anyone foolish enough to get in close proximity to his gyrating hips. This problem became much more apparent when performing on the street as the passersby seemed to gravitate towards Abraham’s sweeping motions resulting in a barrage of hoop-related injuries.

Abraham decided he wasn’t cut out for physical performances, and decided to instead focus on what little charm he had in an effort to be a successful stand-up comedian. The only physical abnormality he could play off was his ridiculously tall stature, which was perfect as they still made fun of tall people back then. In a flash of insight he went to the local costume shop. Since Abraham Lincoln costumes didn’t exist yet he would have to improvise. He got a long black undertaker suit with a three-quarter length coat, and a stylish bow tie to accent. He also found a delightful twelve-inch stovepipe hat to make him tower well over seven feet tall.

He tried his act out at the local theatre.

“How y’all doin’. I’m Abraham Lincoln, a walking tree!”

The room was silent.

“I just flew back from Kentucky, and boy are my arms tired!”

Not even a chuckle. Apparently he would have to change his strategy.

“Free labor has the inspiration of hope; pure slavery has no hope.”

There was a slight chuckle...but then the theatre roared in laughter. Apparently his absurd notion of abolishing slavery was funny to the people. He toured all over the country with his comedy act, and the American people liked him so much they gave him a special title. And now he’s known as America’s sixteenth president.


Source
working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)